Corona threat level jokes

In a time of undeniable pain and loss of course there will be jokes!

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s Get the Bastard”. They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender”. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing”. Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides”. 

Ireland announced it was closing its pubs. To put that in perspective only God has ever managed to do that before and even he has struggled lately.

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs”. They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose”.

The Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spaniards are more excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy than concerns over the virus. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She’ll be right, Mate”. Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is canceled”. So far, no situation has ever warranted use of this final escalation level.

New Zealand announced that it would, in addition to spending more than 4% of GDP on stimulus payments, hand out free yogurt to remind everyone it has a culture (unlike the Australians).

And in Northern California, USA they have raised the threat level from “shelter in place” to “Hey Siri, “Google pot deliveries in my zip code”“. In other parts of the country, the threat level has been raised from “democrat hoax” to “spring break”.

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